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lately

Lately, I have almost been too happy to worry about the future. I hope for once, rather. 

My hair is "blonded" again, but it looks weird to me. I honestly can't tell what color it is, and find myself starting at it confusedly for long moments, knowing I'll immediately forget that strange shade as soon as I look away. My sister says it looks like the "old me," but I think I disagree. It's a blonde that sort of has the look of being brought back from the dead. Not quite right. Jeff just came in, and is staring at it somewhat confusedly as well. But not in a bad way, so that's good I guess. 

Today has felt to me like the sort of day that will either fill itself with sleep or clarifying daydreams until the evening wakes it up. I've had a little of both, so far. I've been reading a lot, and trying hard to figure out if there are any GOP candidates I should begin to fear this early on, but so far it's been like a reassuring side show. I can't imagine any of these people making it to office, and I'm surprised really, that they've made it as far as they have. I keep muttering to myself though, that if any of them were to win, I should run immediately to Canada. 

I'm also afraid though, that as much as I always give myself that out, my personality down to my genes dictates that I stay in my mountains even if they start to burn around me amid cries of "You are uncool and uncultured for staying in the same place for so long!" Whatever it is, I think it's related to the same loyalty that keeps people in my life, sometimes long after they deserve it. 

If you're lost you can look and you will find me... time after time.

I'm glad at least, that my idea of happiness is not an idea, like it is to some people, but what I believe it should be, which is a feeling. And if I don't feel happy, I figure out what might make that happen, and seek it out. Sans idea or ideal. 

Anyway, I thought I'd make an entry, simply because it's been awhile. Maybe I'll touch back sooner than later. Or maybe not. 

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
cheeze
Oct. 24th, 2011 03:11 pm (UTC)
i'm actually kinda happy that you decided to go back to the blonde. not that i didn't like not-blonde. just... like jenna said. old-you.

i feel the same loyalty to east tennessee. sometimes it hurts so much to be away...but at least i'm still in mountains.


...i hope i'm not one that you consider undeserving. i'm terrible at keeping in touch, as we all know, but i am eternally grateful to those like you who stubbornly refuse to let me drift into the ether. if we ever lost touch i'd be pining for years for letting it happen.
thanatol
Oct. 25th, 2011 07:12 pm (UTC)
Well of course you're not, silly. Rarely calling me doesn't put you on the grrrrr list. It just puts you on the call-me-more-dammit! list. :P *hugz*
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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